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  • Randi Fine
  • August 25, 2015 05:11:18 AM
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Randi Fine, author, counselor, and radio show host shares 100's of articles on Self Help, Spirituality, Relationship Advice, Mental Health Issues, and many inspiring picture quotes for you to share.

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Living One Day At A Time: Yesterday Is Gone

Living One Day At A Time Yesterday Is Gone Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine There are two days in every week about which we should not worry. Two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and … Living One Day At A Time: Yesterday Is Gone Read More » The post Living One Day At A Time: Yesterday Is Gone appeared first on Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi...

Living One Day At A Time

Yesterday Is Gone

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry.

Two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed.

We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.

Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow’s sun will rise either in splendor or beyond a mask of clouds, but it will rise.

Until it does we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This just leaves only one day…Today.

Any person can fight the battles of just one day.

It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down.

It is not the experience of today that drives people mad.

It is the remorse or bitterness for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Let us therefore live but one day at a time.

Author Unknown

Hits: 823

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Optimal Emotional Wellness: Why Isn’t Everyone Experiencing It?

Optimal Emotional Wellness Why Isn’t Everyone Experiencing It? Written by Randi Fine Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine With the vast amount of self-help wisdom available to us, why isn’t everyone experiencing optimal emotional wellness?. Are you frustrated with trying so hard to help yourself but getting nowhere? Are you feeling hopeless and … Optimal Emotional Wellness: Why Isn’t Everyone Experiencing It? Read More » The post Optimal...

Optimal Emotional Wellness

Why Isn’t Everyone Experiencing It?

Written by Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

With the vast amount of self-help wisdom available to us, why isn’t everyone experiencing optimal emotional wellness?.

Are you frustrated with trying so hard to help yourself but getting nowhere? Are you feeling hopeless and defeated after having read hundreds of self-help articles and books, listened to podcast after podcast, and watched endless YouTube videos?

Self-improvement advice on virtually any topic, written from endless points of views, is right at our fingertips. A simple Google search will lead us to articles, books, videos and podcasts offering us supportive help.

Much of the self-improvement information we read is based on a mind over matter technique or theory. Some are logical and straight forward; some require blind faith and an open mind. What works for one person may not work for another. There are a variety of approaches that can guide us toward optimal emotional wellness.

Many people get frustrated with self-help therapy because of the emphasis placed on tapping into our own energy and healing from within. We all have the ability to do that, and that is certainly the goal, but many of us feel blocked when we try, and then we wonder why none of these methods seem to work. Do not get me wrong; I would not write those types of articles if I did not believe in what I am talking about. I am certain that we are what we think and that we can change our lives by changing our thoughts. But it is not always so easy to accomplish on our own. We cannot always “think” our way out of the pain we are in.

Some issues are so deep seated that the years of clutter must be cleared out before attempting to gain power over our thoughts. Patterns established in childhood are hard-wired into our brain. It is very difficult to psyche ourselves out of thinking the way we have been conditioned to think for so long. 

Sometimes we need a little help and that is perfectly fine. It does not represent weakness or mental illness as some people believe; quite the opposite. It takes courage, determination, and inner strength to choose optimal emotional wellness at any cost.

Once the cobwebs clear, our minds are free to embrace and focus on emotional wellness approaches or mind over matter techniques.

If none of the resources you have tried have helped you to feel better, do the most loving thing you can do for yourself. Break the vicious cycle of pain. Allow someone to help you.

Randi Fine is the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.

Hits: 6698

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In These Troubling Times: Choosing to Walk In Your Own Power

In These Troubling Times Choosing to Walk In Your Own Power Written by Randi Fine Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine In these troubling times I would like to offer another perspective; a more realistic, hopeful, proactive one I believe. There is injustice in this world. No one ever said life is fair. … In These Troubling Times: Choosing to Walk In Your Own Power Read More » The post In These Troubling Times: Choosing to Walk In Your Own Power appeared first...

In These Troubling Times

Choosing to Walk In Your Own Power

Written by Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

In these troubling times I would like to offer another perspective; a more realistic, hopeful, proactive one I believe.

There is injustice in this world. No one ever said life is fair. It is not. And while we may be able to somewhat rely on government to protect basic human rights, we cannot rely on them to fix all society’s ills or protect us from everyone who wishes to aggress against us. Bad things will always happen to good people.

Society by definition dictates that there must be guidelines. The job of law enforcement is to protect those who follow them from those who do not. There are bad seeds in law enforcement just as there are bad seeds in every facet of society. We cannot hold an entire group responsible for the heinous acts of certain individuals.

It is evident that persecution and discrimination against minority groups has always existed, just as it exists now.  Though many activists have fought for rights and affected some change in this regard, that phenomenon in general does not appear likely to change any time soon.  

It is true that each of us has the responsibility and power to affect change and that there is power in groups. Peaceful protest is our civil right. When done effectively it does command the attention of our elected powers that be and does affect change.  But as of late it seems the primary message has lost its focus.

In these troubling times, other agendas have gotten piled on. Now many protesters are asking to erase the very history of the United States of America. History is not good or bad. It is just history. People did what they did when they did it, right or wrong. Those who learned better have done better. Instead of erasing the past, persecuted groups have dedicated days of honor, mourning and remembrance to the horrific events in history their people suffered.  Remember, honor, and mourn—not erase.

Everyone suffers. We should never be prisoners of our past. The past is there for life lessons, not life sentences. There comes a time when we must stop being bitter for what was done to us, and walk in our own power—take individual responsibility for the footprint we make in this world and the legacy we leave behind.

The responsibility each of us has, if we truly want to spark the changes we believe in, is to personally take action. To personally focus our heart and passion on those individuals we believe need our help. We are each responsible for spreading ripples of love, rather than ripples of blame, resentment, hate, and anger.  

There is power in action, not reaction—power in love, not hate—power in assistance, not resistance—power in gratitude, not resentment. There is no power in fear, blame, and anger.  

A peaceful world begins with positive actions taken by committed individuals; each using their personal power to affect positive change.

Randi Fine is the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.

Hits: 75

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Pathological Narcissistic Abuse: Psychological Warfare and Brainwashing

Pathological Narcissistic Abuse Psychological Warfare and Brainwashing Written by Randi Fine Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine Pathological narcissistic abuse is far more damaging than any of us can possibly conceive. Have no doubt—it is both psychological warfare and mind control. Various techniques of psychological warfare, also known as “psy ops” have been … Pathological Narcissistic Abuse: Psychological Warfare and Brainwashing Read More » The post...

image of spigot washing brain

Pathological Narcissistic Abuse

Psychological Warfare and Brainwashing

Written by Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

Pathological narcissistic abuse is far more damaging than any of us can possibly conceive. Have no doubt—it is both psychological warfare and mind control.

Various techniques of psychological warfare, also known as “psy ops” have been used since the beginning of time by warlords, chiefs, malevolent dictators, and in espionage operations to extract information and evoke desired reactions from captives.

Mind-control, also known as brainwashing or coercive persuasion, is the method used by cults to systematically break down someone’s sense of self.

Narcissists use both these tactics and for the same objectives.

The abuse campaigns of pathological narcissists may be verbal, physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, sexual and/or financial. They learn where their targets are particularly vulnerable and then attack.

Believing they are the victims in every situation and everyone else their enemies, puts them forever on the defensive. Their very survival depends on them “getting” you before you “get” them.

Any perceived attack triggers the narcissist’s deeply embedded pain. He despises this aspect of himself and subconsciously tries to annihilate it through the use of his false self. Unable to restrain himself when triggered, he must project his hatred outward and annihilate a tangible target, hence the abuse. He doesn’t want to hurt himself so he hurts others. Unable to feel what others feel or experience remorse or guilt over the pain he inflicts on others, that is easy for him to do.

As empathetic people who have the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of others, we cannot possibly grasp the mindset of the narcissist. Our eyes deceive us. Seeing people who look and act as we do in every other way inclines us to assume they feel emotions the way we do.

Fully aware that others think that way, narcissists use it to their advantage. Unable to imagine anyone having the capability for such heartlessness, we are vulnerable to their manipulations. That is how they trap us.

No matter the nature of the relationship we have with narcissists, we are nothing but an ends to a means for them. If being nice to us gets them what they want, they will be nice. But they are not nice people or patient people. Pleasantry is the longer, harder route to their destination. They can only keep it up for so long.

Narcissists are driven by one primary goal; gaining control over their victims to have captive narcissistic supply. Abusiveness is the narcissist’s natural inclination. They have great endurance for the terrorist attacks they systematically wage on others.

Narcissists are innovative and resourceful in their craft. Some tactics are more easily recognized than others, though all are destructive.

Stealth abuse is a surreptitious form of psychological narcissistic abuse that is perpetrated behind closed doors. Victims of stealth abuse are unable to recognize what is happening to them while it is occurring. They know that something is wrong with the way they are being treated but cannot figure out exactly what it is. Unable to pinpoint the source of the problem, victims look within themselves for answers and ultimately assume the blame.

Because stealth abuse is unseen and leaves no physical marks it is very hard for outsiders to recognize, therefore easy for them to trivialize. Victims seeking credibility for their accounts of abuse among friends, family members, and the community can never find it.

This is copyrighted material. May only be shared with permission and proper attribution.

Randi Fine is the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.

Hits: 1236

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Childhood Narcissistic Abuse and Adult Empathic Sensitivity

Childhood Narcissistic Abuse and Adult Empathic Sensitivity Written by Randi Fine Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine Having worked with hundreds of NPD abuse survivors over the years I have noted, again and again, the undeniable correlation between childhood narcissistic abuse and adult empathic sensitivity. If there is an exception to this rule … Childhood Narcissistic Abuse and Adult Empathic Sensitivity Read More » The post Childhood Narcissistic Abuse and...

Childhood Narcissistic Abuse and Adult Empathic Sensitivity

Written by Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

Having worked with hundreds of NPD abuse survivors over the years I have noted, again and again, the undeniable correlation between childhood narcissistic abuse and adult empathic sensitivity. If there is an exception to this rule I have never witnessed it.

Some empaths are born with their energetic sensitivity, but many are created through childhood trauma such as narcissistic abuse. This heightened sensitivity is a learned response, an unconscious survival mechanism likely to have developed to withstand the threatening environment from which they could not escape.

Children living under the constant threat of narcissistic abuse become hypersensitive to the danger that exists around them, particularly changes in the emotional states and moods of their abusers. In time they develop a reactionary response to subtle changes in the energy fields around them.

To manage and endure the devastating effects of the danger, emotionally abused children often put their own needs aside, monitor their own behaviors, and focus entirely upon the needs and wants of their abusers. This continual focus on the needs and emotional states of others prevents their own development of self-love, self-esteem, and healthy coping mechanisms.

Even after becoming physically removed from from the threat, adult children of narcissistic abuse remain hypersensitive to the subtle energetic changes around them. The pattern evolves from a maladaptive state to an instinctive nature.

Those who do not recognize and learn how to deal with their heightened sensitivity will suffer from the absorption of all the emotions around them. Depression and low energy often result.

Their lack of ability to filter the energies around them turns them into emotional sponges. Crowded places such as shopping malls, supermarkets, stadiums or movie theaters can overwhelm empaths’ senses; fill them with uncomfortable emotions, emotions that feel like their own but are not.

Natural caregivers, they will continue anticipating the wants and needs of others while disregarding their own. Giving all they have without holding anything in reserve or receiving anything back is a constant source of stress and a drain on their inner resources.

After never having put themselves first, self love and self protection are foreign concepts for adult children of narcissistic abuse to grasp. Though the inclination to care for others is deeply ingrained in them, they must learn how to care for their own needs first; to “fill their own well with love so others may drink from it.”

Adult children of narcissistic abuse, empaths, must learn how to monitor their propensity for over-caregiving and accept that they cannot be all things for all people. They can, however, learn how to be everything to themselves.

This is copyrighted material. May only be shared with permission and proper attribution.

Randi Fine is the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.

Hits: 2655

The post Childhood Narcissistic Abuse and Adult Empathic Sensitivity appeared first on Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine.


How to Spot a Narcissist on the Prowl

How to Spot a Narcissist on the Prowl Written by Randi Fine Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine It is crucial for everyone to know how to spot a narcissist on the prowl They are everywhere. These predators covertly walk among us in droves. Adept at changing their personalities in pursuit of their … How to Spot a Narcissist on the Prowl Read More » The post How to Spot a Narcissist on the Prowl appeared first on Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with...

Black and yellow danger sign warning how to spot a narcissist

How to Spot a Narcissist on the Prowl

Written by Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

It is crucial for everyone to know how to spot a narcissist on the prowl They are everywhere. These predators covertly walk among us in droves. Adept at changing their personalities in pursuit of their life-blood, narcissistic supply, and presenting with a human appearance, they are virtually unrecognizable. This reality is terrifying to anyone who has ever been unwittingly targeted and trapped in their webs of deceit.

Learning how to spot a narcissist is about recognizing the warning signs the covert person on the prowl will likely exhibit.

Charismatic or Pitiful Individuals

Narcissists are notorious for their charismatic personalities. This ability is crucial in capturing narcissistic supply and when recognized should be avoided. But they can also present as people who are down on their luck: their ex left them, parents were abusive, they’re financially struggling, no place to live, etc. If they size you up as compassionate, forgiving, generous, and/or someone with undefined boundaries they may use this tactic to make you feel sorry for them. Warning: Both could be traps.

Life Story or Situation Closely Matches Yours

Narcissists want to bring your guard down. One way to accomplish that is to point out the commonalities that exist between you. They may relate similar stories to yours, share similar backgrounds, enjoy the same things you do (sports, music, hobbies, food, etc.), or express similar life goals. If you say you are considering relocating to a specific area they may say they’ve always thought about moving there. Warning: If things seem too perfect right out of the gate they probably are not.

The Interview

Narcissists interview potential victims in the dating and honeymoon stage of the “relationship” so they will eventually know exactly how to hurt them. They pretend to be totally interested in what you have to say and encourage you to share your goals, hopes, dreams for the future.. They also encourage you to reveal the details of people, events, or traumas that have caused you pain. This tactic makes you feel as if you have finally found a best friend; one who is is interested in what you have to say, is easy to talk to, and “gets” you. Warning: Everything you say can and will be used against you. The purpose of the interview is to get you to reveal all your emotional buttons. You can be certain they will eventually push every one of them. Don’t share any personal information until you know exactly who you are sharing it with.

Too Much Chemistry

Narcissists get the endorphins firing in your brain to create an addiction to them and blind you to the truth of who they really are. Many women tell me that they would not have normally been attracted to the narcissistic men but there was “just something about them” they couldn’t resist. Men usually tell me that the narcissistic women are irresistibly beautiful. These statements are general. Sometimes the men are good looking and the women physically unattractive. What’s important to know is that if physical intimacy enters the picture too soon you can easily be trapped. When allowed to be expressed, chemistry with a narcissist is usually intense. To avoid the temptation, only date in neutral places; never at either of your homes. Warning: Beware of fiery beginnings. Take it slow.

Leave the Caretaker in You Home

Narcissists will test you to see how generous, understanding, and flexible you are. If you show that side to them they will know you are an easy mark. Let them pamper you for awhile. Resist the temptation to offer up any of your money. Do not feel as if you have to reciprocate any of their gestures or expenditures. Once they’ve been carefully vetted you can loosen that up a bit. Warning: Don’t be a rescuer or look to be rescued. Healthy relationships take two whole, mentally healthy people who have resolved their own issues and are invested in each other one hundred percent. If you have the tendency to give too much, work on your boundary system before you begin dating.

Verify, Verify, Verify

Narcissists lie about everything so take nothing they say at face value, no matter how sincerely it seems to be said. Assume, until proven otherwise, that nothing said to you is true. Verify everything you’ve been told; who they are, where they live, where they work, who their family is, how much money they have or make, etc. If the information cannot be verified it is likely to be false. Warning: You may be dating an imposter.

Name Smearing

Narcissists notoriously smear peoples’ names for revenge purposes. Beware of anyone who talks trash about her/his exes. Their exes are probably very nice people, just as you are, who were victimized and then either thrown away or wised up. Warning: You could be next.

A person with good intentions should pass this test with flying colors. When in doubt, trust your instincts. They never lie. If something feels “off” then it is. Yes, you are over-cautious because you’ve been badly burned, but anyone truly interested in you will allow you to set the rules and the pace. Do not be pressured.

Abuse prevention begins with recognizing the red flags. Once you know how to spot a narcissist you will never again fall prey to one.

Randi Fine is the podcast host of A Fine Time for Healing, narcissistic abuse coach for clients worldwide, and the author of Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery and Cliffedge Road: A Memoir.


Hits: 1107

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